As I mentioned in my last update http://www.mashadowell.com/2012/08/update-summer-writing-more-career.html I've been writing a lot this summer. I have been running my mouth to my mother as well. I should do a webseries called conversations with Mom. I have spoken to her every single day this summer. Some convos scary, some bittersweet, and some funny. I love that woman.
Well, I have been doing more interviews. I did my last interview last week and it was a challenge. The interview was cool, but when its published to the world that's when I have problems. Also, I have this tendency to want to be a people pleaser, so I did not want the person that I was interviewing to say certain things... because it was all on record...but its like what am I to do?
I am learning a lot about myself when I interview people. Its like when you get into the public eye, you can tell your truth and say f_ck everyone else, or you can hide. I don't want to hide, but I have to get very comfortable with voicing my thoughts and opinions and not caring what others think... its an odd place to be in when you need people to support you ( to get cast, etc...), yet its like you also need to be able to live a life where you can be honest with your feelings and thoughts.
Public figures are strong people to get the type of crap they get from people behind a computer screen, in person, and etc... It can all be so much pressure to read the feedback.
Oh well.......................... you can check out the interview below. Click on the picture...
On to my non interviewing part of my career. Well, I've been juggling lots to survive in LA. Its been a black southern (former snobs) nightmare!!! I am confessing who I am --- anyways, being uncomfortable for a bit and suffering for a while is worth what I desire. God has deeply humbled me. The year has gone by very slow, and its been like a slow burn... Everything has been in slow motion.
I've been watching a bit of 80s films. I just discovered Nora Ephron by accident the other night and I want to learn everything about her. I like Nancy Meyers too. I think I may be a romantic comedy type of writer/director/actor. My soul literally gravitates towards romcoms.
I love Nora because I connected with her candid dialogue about love and loss, and love again. For instance, I had this guy that I dated email me this month saying that I had burned a bridge with him that can NEVER be repaired. I just looked at my computer screen and was like am I living in a damn sopa opera???? The email was in response to a request I made of him after we had a fall out last year. I would love to put the exchange in a film. As a matter of fact, Derek will be featured in a lot of my projects. He was such a tool. I have already created one role based on his persona for my webseries. That webseries was then selected as an official selection... So I am going to do it again, just like Nora :)
But its like gosh, would black people even like my love stories? My love stories are crazy good, but often dramatic, and messy, VERY MESSY. I long for a smooth love. I tell you sometimes I wish I cared less about race than meets the eye. I mean it does not hinder me, but I feel as though I live my life with one eye looking back to see if I am approved or not... but its like ummm who cares.
I can't believe I have discovered that I care so much about what people think of me. I never knew this before about myself... and I am 34 years old. I am going to make one of my year end goals for 2012 to not care. To get bolder, and become more of the woman that I am and not care what anyone thinks...
I have gotten behind with my blogging at my two sites... I am going to catch up. I may need to condense the blogs into one. I had one about multiculturalism...but to be honest, maybe Markel of Germany was right --- maybe Multiculturalism does not exist. I am not really sure today what exists.
Oh, I've been on three auditions. I did not book anything at all so far. Its cool though... just living moment by moment. I hope to make some new friends in LA soon.
I'll write soon :)
Love,
Masha
Written via a Starbucks in Orange, CA
Well, I have been doing more interviews. I did my last interview last week and it was a challenge. The interview was cool, but when its published to the world that's when I have problems. Also, I have this tendency to want to be a people pleaser, so I did not want the person that I was interviewing to say certain things... because it was all on record...but its like what am I to do?
I am learning a lot about myself when I interview people. Its like when you get into the public eye, you can tell your truth and say f_ck everyone else, or you can hide. I don't want to hide, but I have to get very comfortable with voicing my thoughts and opinions and not caring what others think... its an odd place to be in when you need people to support you ( to get cast, etc...), yet its like you also need to be able to live a life where you can be honest with your feelings and thoughts.
Public figures are strong people to get the type of crap they get from people behind a computer screen, in person, and etc... It can all be so much pressure to read the feedback.
Oh well.......................... you can check out the interview below. Click on the picture...
On to my non interviewing part of my career. Well, I've been juggling lots to survive in LA. Its been a black southern (former snobs) nightmare!!! I am confessing who I am --- anyways, being uncomfortable for a bit and suffering for a while is worth what I desire. God has deeply humbled me. The year has gone by very slow, and its been like a slow burn... Everything has been in slow motion.
I've been watching a bit of 80s films. I just discovered Nora Ephron by accident the other night and I want to learn everything about her. I like Nancy Meyers too. I think I may be a romantic comedy type of writer/director/actor. My soul literally gravitates towards romcoms.
I love Nora because I connected with her candid dialogue about love and loss, and love again. For instance, I had this guy that I dated email me this month saying that I had burned a bridge with him that can NEVER be repaired. I just looked at my computer screen and was like am I living in a damn sopa opera???? The email was in response to a request I made of him after we had a fall out last year. I would love to put the exchange in a film. As a matter of fact, Derek will be featured in a lot of my projects. He was such a tool. I have already created one role based on his persona for my webseries. That webseries was then selected as an official selection... So I am going to do it again, just like Nora :)
But its like gosh, would black people even like my love stories? My love stories are crazy good, but often dramatic, and messy, VERY MESSY. I long for a smooth love. I tell you sometimes I wish I cared less about race than meets the eye. I mean it does not hinder me, but I feel as though I live my life with one eye looking back to see if I am approved or not... but its like ummm who cares.
I can't believe I have discovered that I care so much about what people think of me. I never knew this before about myself... and I am 34 years old. I am going to make one of my year end goals for 2012 to not care. To get bolder, and become more of the woman that I am and not care what anyone thinks...
I have gotten behind with my blogging at my two sites... I am going to catch up. I may need to condense the blogs into one. I had one about multiculturalism...but to be honest, maybe Markel of Germany was right --- maybe Multiculturalism does not exist. I am not really sure today what exists.
Oh, I've been on three auditions. I did not book anything at all so far. Its cool though... just living moment by moment. I hope to make some new friends in LA soon.
I'll write soon :)
Love,
Masha
Written via a Starbucks in Orange, CA
